Rocking the baby and an afternoon swim

Losing Blake at 2 was the hardest thing I've ever endured in my life. It has definitely shaped me as a mother and as a sister. Not a day goes by that I don't think of all that sweet baby has taught me in those 2 short, short years God loaned her to us. Her return Home has been hard for me, even 10 years later. It is bittersweet losing a sibling; I could never handle losing a child. I pray I never have to know that hurt, that sense of helplessness. My children are the source of my happiness because God gave them to me. They were created in His image in ways that make the world seem beautiful. Every night I pray for nothing more than for the health and happiness of my son and daughter and that we may have many more decades to spend together. I am not a perfect mother but we are perfect for each other. What I need to learn, they teach me. God has given me a sense of peace lately in my raising the kids. My patience may wear thin but I am getting more patient day by day. It's funny that I used to pray for more patience almost hourly when I had Cohen and now that I have two stinkbugs, I thank God every night for giving me patience and ask Him for just a little more and for another day for healthiness and happiness with my family. But more time and patience aren't all that I need. Or that we all need. We need to know when to let something slide and when to jump right in.

As a SAHM, balance is very important. I, however, suck at balancing anything more than a sippy and a bottle. Between the screens that surround me to the diapers, meals, crying, and laundry I can get so caught up in, I forget how fast time passes and what is really important. I choose the 'important' over the 'urgent'. Today I did exactly what I needed. And it was worth it.

Instead of vacuuming and sweeping, I put the phone away and rocked my baby girl, kissed her five billion times, thanked God for her yet again, and took in the love that was coming from those big blue eyes. I so often prop her bottle and allow her to hold it so that I may do something else but the truth is, I'm not doing what I want. Where am I placing my beautiful girl in my priorities?

It was urgent that supper get tended to. No one knew what we were going to have and we had company like we do every Tuesday. But instead of heading inside to save the dishes and laundry and figure out dinner, I did the important. I jumped in the pool with Cohen for a while. We played. I showed him how to kick his feet. I spit water like a fountain. I rode him on my back. And we enjoyed each other.We made memories that I will hold dear in my heart.

 Sometimes stopping to reevaluate your priorities reveals that those things we think are important can wait. The crumbs on the floor will still be there tomorrow. But that pool and that boy won't always be there waiting for me to jump in and splash around. And that girl will trade the bottle for a big girl cup and will refuse to be rocked. So tomorrow, and the days that follow, I'll choose to rock and swim.